Starting tomorrow, this blog will have more pictures, because I found my camera battery charger. Who doesn't love more pictures? 

A week ago our nearly one year old dachshund mix, Fry, decided that snacking on a pack of sugarless gum was an excellent idea. Thank goodness I caught him in the act, and thank goodness I'd read an article about dogs and sugarless gum MONTHS ago, because this brand of gum uses Xylitol as a sugar substitute. According to what I'd read before, and have read since, even small amounts of Xylitol can cause seizures and collapse, even liver failure and death, in dogs within 30 minutes of ingestion. Being the non-crisis-handling person that I am, I started to panic. This was late Sunday afternoon and when I called the closest vet and explained what happened, they said there was only one vet on staff and she couldn't see Fry anytime soon. She suggested we take him to the emergency vet clinic, because Fry needed to have vomiting induced before he digested any more of the gum. 

We're lucky enough to only live ten minutes from the 24-hour emergency vet clinic, and I was ready to put him in the car and rush him up there, when my dad asked if I'd looked online to find any way to induce vomiting. I stopped in my tracks, because it hadn't even occurred to me to attempt treating Fry myself. In normal circumstances I like to read up on home remedies for myself or my dogs before going to the doctor or vet, but my brain was in panic mode and I hadn't thought of anything but having the emergency vet treat him. I did a Google search as fast as possible, hoping that I wasn't wasting precious minutes. Within seconds I'd found several sites with multiple ways listed, and the quickest, easiest one simply instructed me to feed him two teaspoons of 3% hydrogen peroxide (one teaspoon per pound of body weight). Two teaspoons and 30 seconds later, and up came the minty fresh contents of Fry's gut. An hour later, he was running and playing, and I was utterly relieved to have a healthy puppy and no vet bill. I would have taken him to the vet no matter how much it cost, but let's face it, emergency vet visits are NOT cheap, and my bank account has dwindled to spare change while I await my first measly paycheck. I would've had to put it on one of the credit cards I'm trying so hard to pay down. Well, crisis averted!

I found out I was pregnant on a Tuesday. I told all my friends and family, and started to get ready for parenthood. The very next Tuesday, I miscarried.

Needless to say it's been an incredibly emotional couple of weeks, and I felt particularly unmotivated to blog about any of it. I still don't. Maybe next week.

 

So, yep. Pregnant. Five-ish weeks. I've run the gamut of emotions from terrified to elated. In fact the mood swings are one of only a few symptoms I've had. Some cramping and half a day of upset stomach, but no drastic morning sickness, no headaches, no breast soreness, and no "sense" of being pregnant. If I hadn't had the blood test to confirm it, I'd still be questioning. 

The timing could be better. It could be worse. I'll be about 6 months pregnant on my wedding day, which honestly wouldn't bother me except that my mom put hours and hours of time, effort, and love into my beautiful wedding dress, and now it's most likely unwearable. Kenny won't get to see me in it, and that hurts. I've cried and apologized to both of them, and of course they both have been wonderful, but I can see my mom trying to hide some disappointment. She talked today about selling it and making a new one, and I almost started crying again. I know she made that dress thinking of me the whole time, and she was going to be so proud to see me wear it on my wedding day. It's my dress. It seems almost silly to fixate on this one thing, and I'm not sure why it's affecting me so intensely. 

That said, I'm not throwing myself a continuous pity party here. Now that the nerve-wracking moments of telling the parents are over, I'm letting myself get excited about the planning and the prospect of being a mom. I've been reading websites and articles nonstop, and even strolling through the baby aisles at Target. Kenny has been fantastic, from the point where I first started to wonder "am I?" to the confirmation to sharing the news and starting to plan. I've learned on him for support and he's held me up unfailingly, and we've become closer than ever. I'm reassured that together we'll not only make it through challenges, but we will thrive. 

I got a part-time job, which takes the edge off my worry. It's not enough, but it's better than nothing. It'll hold me over.

Right now I'm feeling like everything will be ok.

Dear Internet World,

I'm going to be a mom. 

The forecast for this week: I get a job. I had a phone interview today for a, administrative assistant position, and while I swore I'd never do another admin job after my last experience, I think this promises to be different. For starters, I can bring my dogs to work (!!!!). I can work from home for at least a few hours a week. And it's part time, 20 hours a week, which I'm sure will be easier to handle than 8 hours a day of monotonous filing and faxing. They said they loved my resume and would be calling to set up a second interview later in the week.

AND...

Tomorrow at 11 I have an interview to be a dog washer at Petco. Likely low pay and physically challenging work, but I'd work with dogs again! It's another part time job. I think I'd enjoy doing both. I feel confident I'll get hired at one or the other, if not both. Finally landing a job will be a huge weight off my shoulders. 

In garden news, I had no idea how fast bush beans grow. I mean, in two days since their little green stems started to surface, they have grown taller than anything in that garden but the onions. The broccoli plants are still tiny, fragile seedlings, and the basil has JUST barely peeked out of the soil. It's fun to see how differently things grow. 

In other news, I finally cracked open the "Organizing for Dummies" book I bought online six months ago. One chapter in, I couldn't stay focused enough to continue. A few days ago I started my self-prescribed ADD treatment of daily B-complex and magnesium supplements... they may take a while to kick in.  

Quitting my job has been mightily stressful, but I can't say I haven't enjoyed the vast amounts of free time. I decided before I even quit that I would stay busy and productive working on all my personal projects, and I can proudly say that I've done just that. The garden obviously has been my pet project, but there's also been the wedding planning, starting and maintaining my blog, getting moved and settled in to our basement apartment, establishing an Etsy store with my mom (still in the planning stages), and then there's the continual job hunt. Today commenced the latest and greatest: The Get In Shape and Lose the Pooch Project.

Let me start by saying I feel fortunate to have made it to quarterlife and never worried about my weight. I'm still not worried about my weight. I'm worried about my health, my lack of physical strength and stamina, and the little gathering of chub in my midsection that has come to be known affectionately as "the pooch." Well, I have a semi-legitimate reason to be worried about the pooch... I have a wedding dress I'll need to fit into! I'd be lying if I said my main reason for this undertaking was to improve my overall health, although that IS extremely important to me. Vanity was the real kicker. I have a belly for the first time in my life and it's slightly appalling to me. 

Anywho, I woke up and STAYED up at 7 a.m., and did 30 minutes of a kundalini yoga DVD with my mom. My mom and I then worked until the early afternoon reorganizing the unfinished side of the basement, and bringing things down from the garage. Not exactly an aerobic workout, but we were continually moving, walking, and carrying, certainly burning some calories. I took a break to eat some lunch and take the dogs on a short walk. My food intake really didn't change from a typical day, either in what I ate or how much of it. 

I'm not measuring myself or weighing myself regularly, because I don't want this to turn into a regimen or obsession. I'll know I've achieved my goal when I no longer feel like I have to unbutton my jeans to feel comfortable when I sit.