A week ago I applied for a consolidation of debts loan. Today I was denied. No idea why, but I'm told I'll get a letter of explanation. 

This probably isn't a huge setback, but it sure feels like one. I'm discouraged and even more stressed. I knew when I quit the Census Bureau that it would be hard to find a job that let me keep up with my bills, but it's been much worse than I anticipated. I've had the part-time weekend thing at Petco for about six weeks I think, and the money sucks. I've applied to at least 50 places by now. I've eaten all my delusions of staying true to what I wanted in a job, because I'm desperate. I can't shake off this guilt that I've ruined things for Kenny and I. How will we ever get a house when I'm unable to save and I'm wrecking my credit? How will we pay for our wedding? 

Today sucks.

Months ago my friend told me about http://stumbleupon.com and it's been the single best and most time-consuming internet tool I've ever used. I've literally spent hours browsing websites and finding blogs, crafts, articles, and art that I probably would never have come across otherwise. I'm obsessed with learning and almost everything interests me, the problem is that I'd rather read about 90 different subjects than pick one and focus on it. StumbleUpon, therefore, becomes my addiction.

I'm working to get myself out of that habit and become more hands-on. I've read a lot about money management and debt reduction lately as I embark on the quest to eliminate my $14,000 of credit card debt. That's a thoroghly embarassing number, and I hate admitting it. I could lay the blame on many different people and events for that accumulation of debt, including myself, but I'm trying to keep a forward-moving mindset and focus on just getting rid of it rather than complaining about it. I've been reading about the most effective ways to pay down credit cards, now I just have to start applying them. I have to actually MAKE a budget instead of reading about how to make budgets.

All this budgeting and debt-reduction is about to get complicated as I've just quit my nice, secure, living-wages, cushy office job... where I happened to be miserable. I don't have another job lined up. I knew it was a big risk, and I admit I've been feeling anxious about the loss of income. But I'm on the hunt and I think I'll be able to find something closer to home (I was commuting for a total of almost 2 hours a day).

It's my last day here and one of my coworkers gave me a Werthers candy because she felt bad that no one gave me a going away party. Aww.