Tuesday, June 23, 2009

A week ago I applied for a consolidation of debts loan. Today I was denied. No idea why, but I'm told I'll get a letter of explanation. 

This probably isn't a huge setback, but it sure feels like one. I'm discouraged and even more stressed. I knew when I quit the Census Bureau that it would be hard to find a job that let me keep up with my bills, but it's been much worse than I anticipated. I've had the part-time weekend thing at Petco for about six weeks I think, and the money sucks. I've applied to at least 50 places by now. I've eaten all my delusions of staying true to what I wanted in a job, because I'm desperate. I can't shake off this guilt that I've ruined things for Kenny and I. How will we ever get a house when I'm unable to save and I'm wrecking my credit? How will we pay for our wedding? 

Today sucks.

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